导读:中国的单身问题已经成为一个社会话题，许多人不是条件太差找不到对象，而是因为种种原因“忘了爱”。
Li Qinyi, a 26-year-old white-collar worker in Beijing, recently stopped taking phone calls from a man who had been professing his love and affection toward her.
李沁怡（音）今年26岁，是在北京工作的一个白领，最近她决定不再接一个向自己表白男人的电话。
She recalled that her mind went completely blank and she could not say a word when he blurted out the three words - I love you.
小李回忆说道，当那个男人说出“我爱你”三个字的时候，她大脑一片空白说不出一个字。
"All I could think was to run away from him," she admitted. "It was not that I did not like him, but having a boyfriend was the last thing I wanted in my life, and I just could not accept him," she said.
她坦承道：“我能想到的就是逃离。并不是我那么地不喜欢他，但是我一生中最不想要的就是男朋友，而我就是不能接受他。”
According to her, the main reason that she found it hard to step into a romantic relationship was that she was deeply hurt by her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her over a year ago. Since then, she could not trust any other man.
按照小李的说法，她难以步入一段恋情的最主要原因是她被前男友伤的太深——曾经背着她出轨一年多。自那以后，她就再也不能相信任何男人了。
Li is one of the many people who suffer from the abnormal and persistent fear of falling in love or making any other kind of emotional attachment, also known as philophobia.
和小李一样，许多人都对爱情或其他任何情感依恋抱有异常的、持久的恐惧，这被称为恋爱恐惧症。
A survey done by zhenai.com, a Chinese matchmaking website, based on its 90 million members, showed that more than 80 percent of single men and women suffer from philophobia. In addition, 54 percent of them are in fear of falling in love because of their failed romantic experiences, while 36 percent of them contribute their fear to the romantic failures of the people around them. The study also concluded that 10 percent of them are affected by either the divorce of their parents or do not attach great importance to the idea of family, according to The Shanghai Morning Post on May 17, 2016.
珍爱网对其9000万用户进行了一项调查，结果显示80%以上的单身人士患有恋爱恐惧症。此外，54%的人由于过去失败的爱情而害怕再次恋爱，而36%的人会对身边的人恋情破裂感到害怕。据2016年5月17日《上海晨报》报道，该研究还得出结论，10%的人受到了父母离婚、或者不重视家庭想法的影响。
Another relevant article from phobia-fear-release.com, a website that especially deals with phobias, also pointed out that the fear for romance may originate from either past painful experiences of romance or chronic phobia. It can affect the quality of life, keeping people away from their loved ones and driving them to solitude.
而phobia-fear-release.com网站（该网站是一个专门刊登恐惧症相关内容的网站）上一篇相关文章也指出，对恋爱的恐惧可能源自于过去痛苦的爱情经历、或者慢性恐惧症。这会影响人们的生活质量、让人们远离他们的所爱的人、甚至让他们走向孤独。
A post concerning the topic on Zhihu, a Chinese question-and-answer website, has been viewed tens of thousands of times. People share not only their own stories, but also tips on how to overcome the phobia.
知乎上一篇关于这个话题的文章已经被浏览了数万次，人们不仅分享了自己的故事，还讲述了一些克服恐惧症的秘诀。
The shadows of yesterday
1、曾经的伤痛。
Li was in a three-year relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and they were about to get married. She used to believe that there would be no one in the whole world who would be nicer to her than him.
小李曾经和她前男友恋爱了三年，他们甚至到了谈婚论嫁的地步。小李曾经认为，全世界没有一个人会比他对自己更好。
However, she found out that he was secretly seeing somebody behind her back, and she was totally crushed.
然而，她发现他背着自己和其他女人勾勾搭搭，她彻底崩溃了。
It took her so long to move on that she started to be afraid that she might never get over him. Somehow she managed to start over six months later, but she knew something about her had changed.
她花了许多时间来揭过这一页，甚至一度害怕自己永远也迈不过这道坎。但是6个月之后她重新振作了起来，但是她知道自己已经不是以前的那个人了。
"To many people, I may still be the happy-go-lucky person as I always was, but there is a scar on my heart and I simply feel it is almost impossible to let somebody in again," she explained.
她解释说道：“对许多人来说，我可能仍然是以前那个没心没肺、无忧无虑的人，但是在我心里有一道伤疤，而我也觉得几乎不可能再让人走进我的内心。”
She did go out and meet other men, but every time the relationship started to get more serious and commitment came up, she would have a panic attack. Sometimes, it would even trigger symptoms such as sweating, shortness of breath and feelings of nausea.
她的确会和其他男人见面，但是每当他们的关系开始变得认真起来、许下承诺的时候，她的恐惧症就会发作了。有时她甚至还会出现发汗、气短、恶心的症状。
Fear of the unknown
2、对未知的恐惧。
Gao Pingqi, a 23-year-old programmer in Beijing, is dying to have a girlfriend, but he is fearful at the same time and tortured by a number of factors.
23岁的高平齐（英）是北京一名程序员，他很想找个女朋友，但同时又感到害怕，许多因素都折磨着他。
Having absolutely no experience in the romance field, he has been calling himself a "relationship newbie."
由于从未谈过恋爱，他自嘲自己是“恋爱菜鸟”。
"Even if I have a girlfriend in my life, I have no idea how to get along with her. I do not know how to make her happy or how to cheer her up when she is upset," he said. "Sooner or later, my inexperience and stupidity would bore her, and then, she would want to break up. What is the point of stepping into a relationship if you know it is going to end and your heart will be broken?"
他说道：“即使我找到一个女朋友，我也不知道该如何与她相处。我不知道该怎么让她快乐，或者当她情绪不高的时候怎么逗她开心。我没有经验和手足无措的蠢样子迟早会让她厌烦，之后她就会想要分手了。如果你明知这段关系最终会破裂、而你自己也会心碎的话，那么开始这段关系还有意义吗？”
Another factor is that he fears it will make him vulnerable. He said when people are in a relationship, they open up to their partner and reveal their "real" self. They will have less control over their own happiness because it starts to largely rely on the responses of their partner.
另一个因素是，他害怕一旦开始恋爱自己就会变得脆弱。他说当人们开始恋爱之后，他们就会向对象敞开自己的心扉，展示“真实”的自我。他们将无法控制自己的幸福，因为这将很大程度上依赖于他们对象的反应。
"The idea of losing some kind of control over myself scares me," he conceded. "I am entangled by my fear for being hurt and the unpredictable future. I have many concerns that make a relationship seem too complicated for me."
小高坦陈说道：“失去对自己某种控制的想法让我不寒而栗。我陷入了害怕自己被伤害、以及对不可测未来的恐惧这一旋涡之中不可自拔。我担心的东西太多了，恋爱对我来说太复杂。”
