导读:年轻人分手之后往往碍于情面会继续和对方做朋友，但是这样的关系往往在“朋友以上，恋人未满”的尴尬局面，对双方各自的生活造成巨大影响，有时甚至是伤害。
I am not talking about just any ex. I am talking about the one who got away, the one with whom you had planned your future.
我要谈的不是你所有的前任。我要谈的是那个你曾经和他/她一起谋划未来，但是最终却和你分道扬镳的人。
What was it that broke the camel’s back? Your career? His or her career? Disagreeing parents? Did someone cheat, or did the relationship just not work out?
到底是什么原因拆散了你们这对苦命鸳鸯？你的工作？他或她的工作？父母不同意？有人劈腿，或者只是关系破裂？
Do you still think about him or her?
你还想着他/她吗？
Of course, you do. Maybe less and less often with every passing year, but now and then, he or she pops into your mind.
当然，你想！也许随着时间推移你想的次数会越来越少，但是偶尔不经意间，他/她就会出现在你的心中。
Do you still keep in touch? Are you two friends now? Do you ever mention or discuss your "what if" thoughts with him or her?
你们还保持联系吗？你们现在是朋友吗？你有没有和他/她提到或者讨论过“如果没有分手”的想法吗？
Do you talk about your present boyfriend or girlfriend who might someday be your husband or wife? And if you are still single, do you get jealous or uncomfortable when he or she talks about who they are dating?
你有没有和他谈过可能会成为你丈夫/妻子的现任男友/女友？如果你还是单身，当他/她谈到交往的人的时候，你会嫉妒或者不舒服吗？
Do you pretend to be happy with your newfound love for your job and say "I am happy for you" way too much?
你假装和你的新欢在一起很快乐，或者说了太多次“我为你感到高兴”吗？
And if the tables are turned and you are the one in a blissfully happy relationship, do you feel guilty when talking about your happiness? Do you tell stories about how rock solid your relationship is?
如果分手后你一帆风顺、感情幸福快乐，当谈到你的幸福时你会感到愧疚吗？你会说你目前的关系是多么地坚如磐石吗？
If even one of the above questions is true about your friendship with your ex, then you are not friends.
在你和你前任的友谊中，如果上述问题有一个是真的，那么你们就不是朋友！
How do I know? Because I have been there and I have done that.
你问我怎么知道？因为我曾经就是这样，我也这样做过！
I had myself firmly convinced that my ex and I had moved on. I am happy in my relationship and my ex is truly content with his high-profile job and newfound passion for fitness.
我曾经坚信前任和我已经结束了。我对我的关系感到很高兴，而我的前任也真的满足于他高调的工作和新找到的健身激情。
So, I convinced myself that his "I am really happy for the both of you" was truly meant and that there was no jealousy or what if’s hidden behind them.
所以我说服自己，他说“我真为你俩感到高兴”这句话是真心实意的，在这句话背后没有隐藏着的嫉妒或者“如果我们没有分手”之类的意思。
In truth, my every step toward my happily ever after reminded him of his failed relationship with me and his inability to get over it.
但是事实上，我走向幸福的每一步都让他想起和我破裂的关系、以及他无法走出这一切。
One can leave the past behind, but it does not make it disappear. Trying to friends with one’s ex is like trying to live with the past and present together, which is never a very wise thing to do.
一个人可以把过去抛于身后，但是那却不能让其消失。试着和前任做朋友就好像试着同时活在过去和现在一样，这从来就不是一件明智的事。
Maybe when you are old and gray, you can look at our ex with friendly eyes, but until then, it might be better to limit your interaction, as one of you might still be carrying a heart that beats for the other.
也许当你垂垂暮年之时，你可以用朋友的眼光看待前任，但即使那时，也最好限制一下你们的互动交往，因为你们中一人也许仍然有一颗为对方而跳动的心。
