导读:为什么你没有朋友？本文告诉你，友谊偏好勇敢的人，那些不害怕微笑或第一个伸手的人。
This could be for a variety of reasons and almost all, in some direct or indirect way, are probably your fault.
这可以是多种原因，但多多少少主要是你的原因。
If you think this is too abrasive, that’s the first reason, right there, you probably don’t have any friends: you can’t handle the truth and lack self-awareness.
如果你觉得这太伤人了，这就是第一个原因，你可能一个朋友都没有：你接受不了现实，自己又意识不到。
The second reason may be due to your age. If you are very young, well, you’re probably not reading this.
第二个原因可能跟你的年龄有关。如果你很年轻，那么，你可能也不会读这篇文章。
But in childhood we tend to look for friends who live close by and with whom we have common interests.
但孩童时期我们偏向于寻找住在附近，有共同兴趣爱好的朋友。
So if you don’t have any friends you may simply not have anyone you can pal up with yet.
所以如果你没有朋友，可能是你还未找到能一起玩耍的人。
That’s OK, although it probably doesn’t feel like it.
这没问题，虽然你可能不这么觉得。
If you move around frequently as a child (or as an adult), you can either become very, very good at making friends (having to fit in fast, always having to play everyone else’s games) or very, very bad, because you simply get fed up with not being able to put down roots.
如果你小时候（或已经成年了）经常搬家，你要不就会变得很会交朋友（快速融入环境，总是入乡随俗），要不就非常不会交朋友，因为你没法接受不长久的友谊。
In adolescence, trust and loyalty become very important. It can be difficult if you don’t find anyone who is a kindred spirit, and it can seem as if everyone is more popular than you.
在青少年时期，信任和忠诚变得非常重要。如果找不到志趣相投的人就会挺受挫的，好像其他人都比你更受欢迎。
The evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar, has come up with the maximum number of friends any one person can meaningfully sustain.
进化人类学家罗宾丹巴发明了人类能够有效维持的朋友的最大数。
That number, aka the Dunbar Number, is 150.
这个数字又被成为丹巴数，是150。
“We’re members of the primate family,” Dunbar has explained, “and within the primates there is a general relationship between the size of the brain and the size of the social group.
“我们是猿类家庭的成员，”丹巴解释说，“在猿类中，脑的体积和社群的体积之间存在着基本的关系。”
We fit in a pattern. There are social circles beyond it and layers within – but there is a natural grouping of 150.
“我们都依据一个模式行事。这个模式外有社圈，里面有层级——但自然的组成是150。”
This is the number of people you can have a relationship with involving trust and obligation – there’s some personal history, not just names and faces.”
这是一个你能够拥有构建信任和责任的关系的数字——其中有些是关于个人历史的，而不仅仅是名字和面孔而已。”
If you’re neither too young nor too old, and you don’t have any friends, you may simply be too critical or negative.
如果你既不太年轻又不太老，而又没有朋友，可能你单纯是太喜欢批评别人或太消极了。
So although honesty is a vital basis for friendship, diplomacy also needs to be deployed.
所以虽然诚实是友谊的关键基础，外交手段还是需要用得上的。
If you don’t have any friends, you could also be male, a study found that women made “deeper and more moral” friends who stuck by them, whereas men’s friendships were more likely to be fickle and based on social drinking or playing sport.
如果你没有任何朋友，还有可能是你是男性。研究显示，女性会交“更加深层和有道德的”朋友，这些朋友会不离不弃，而男性的友谊更无常，更多的是基于社交型的饮酒或运动的。
Ultimately, old or young, male or female, friendships take lots and lots of work to maintain. They don’t just happen. Remembering people’s birthdays. Checking how they are. Listening as well as talking, being interested and au courant in what they’re up to.
最终，无论年老还是年轻，男性还是女性，友谊需要花大量的精力去维持。它们不是瞬间发生的。记得别人的生日。了解别人的近况。倾听，述说，对他们的近况感兴趣并熟悉。
Lack of friends can be a result of reading signals incorrectly.
缺少朋友可能是读错信号的原因。
Many people think other people don’t like them, so they don’t like them in return and thus it goes on and on and before you know it, you hate that person, before you’ve even spoken to them.
许多人以为别人不喜欢他们，所以也反过来不喜欢他们，因此就一直这样，你都不知道，在你和这个说话之前，你就讨厌这个人了。
Smiling at someone can be the first step to friendship. It can make someone warm to you, make them like you, because they think you like them.
对别人微笑是友谊的第一步。微笑能让别人给你温暖的感觉，让别人喜欢你，因为他们觉得你喜欢他们。
Friendship favours the brave. Those who aren’t afraid to smile or put a hand out first.
友谊偏好勇敢的人。偏好那些不害怕微笑或第一个伸手的人。
