The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has been suggested that the government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the rate of violent crimes in society. It would certainly be easy to garner support for such a move, but solely adapting such a policy will do little to effect social change. ( 54 words )
点评:1+1'的模式,最后一句是主题句,表达了对这种做法的不满.但是,缺点是第1句话照抄题目,这是要被扣分的!
The question has often been raised as to what extent media violence actually influences behavior. One can readily recount incidences of a child or young person viewing some violent behavior in a movie or on television and then trying to reproduce that situation in real life. It is hard to estimate the amount of violence which can be traced back to television shows or movies but the existence of such incidences is undeniable. Logically, removing this violent content should directly reduce the incidence of such violence but this relationship between violent media content and violent behavior is not so simple(此句是承上启下的写法,很多老外都喜欢这样写.实战当中可以借鉴一下,当然不这样写也是完全可以的).(100 words)
点评:1'+3模式.第1句是主题句,写得比较笼统,目的是为了简单地引出下文,后面三句则比较辩证地展开了论述.值得一提的是,这3句语言都不错,都是长句,大家可以分析并效仿一下.
While much has been recorded of young people imitating media violence, little has been directed to the influence of sad violence on those who are able to differentiate the imaginary situations in movies and on television from reality.(此句本身就是个长句,很不错.更值得一提的是,其内容本身体现了老外写作的辩证观!在上一段中,指出media violence与voilent crimes之间的联系,这里开始分析例外情况,即不把问题说绝了) If one were to find no similar relationship it could be immediately surmised that the most direct solution is increased supervision of young people, and not themodification of media content. The degree to which people are influenced by what they see in the media depends directly on how responsibly they are educated about the relationship of fiction and reality.(98 words)
点评:1'+2模式.请注意,此文每段的句数都比较少,这是因为作者的语言功底比较强,都是长句,词数已达到要求,因此没有进一步展开,对于一般的同学来说,支持句至少写4句!
Watching comedies does not transform one into a comedian, and watching violent movies does not directly make one violent(通过类比,即analogy,来说明media violence与violent crimes的关系,很好!!!). Rather than taking crude half measures to repair complex social problems, more focus must be placed on the nature of interpersonal relationships, social responsibility and personal accountability.(46 words)
点评:最后一段总结了主体段所体现的辩证观.注意对比此文的首段和尾段,明显的最后段是对第一段最后一句话(即主题句)的扩充展开,做到了首尾呼应!
总评:
此文属于4段式写法,也是一种比较实用的作文段落安排(即辩证式写法,从两个方面展开讨论)
此文唯一的缺点就是全文第1句话照抄了题目。
