Almost every government around world(应改为around the world) now takes money from its citizens as tax. With such money, they are able to improve the constructions within the countries, and more importantly, they could develop educational, medical and welfare system. It seems that every one(最好还是everyone) will benefit from it. (46words)
However, not every one considers such tax system a reasonable one. Many argue that they are pressured by tax, especially in the developed countries where the tax rates are rather high, for comparatively a large portion of their incomes are collected by the governments. For example, it’s quite common in such countries that the amount of the tax collected from the husband’s income is as much as the wife’s total income. I believe most women would rather choose to stay at home if there is no income tax which is so high. (92words)
On the other side, most people support the tax system, no matter how much tax he pays every year. Just like what I mentioned above, with the tax money, the government could do a great number of things which will benefit them. Without such money, how can the roads, schools, and hospitals be constructed and how could we travel, receive education and treatment? So though the tax rates are somewhat high in some areas, still there are many citizens who are willingly(应改为willing) to pay. (84words)
As to myself, I agree with the latter. No one could deny that the benefit he has gained from the programs built with the tax money. And I believe that with more money, the government could offer us better welfare conditions and every one will be able to enjoy a better life as a result,(最好改为;) besides, it’s a useful way to help the poor.(64words)
点评：大家会发现，这篇文章我改的很少!!!原因很简单，因为明显的错误很少!粗略地来看，文章写得还比较流畅，明显错误很少。但是有些措辞我觉得还不够精确，比如：tax system是不是改为taxation system更好; if there is no income tax which is so high是不是直接说if there is no such income tax比较简洁等等?!
换句话说，本篇作者的提高余地就不是语言的正确性了，应该朝语言的精确性和多样性方面发展，可以适当用些复杂句，用些比较好的词等等，来润饰文章。这样就可能达到7分，甚至更高了!
此外，本篇文章结构清晰，采用的是4段论的写法，一段支持，一段反对，还比较清晰，在最后一段(而不是第一段)交待了自己的观点，这种写法只要处理的好，在实战当中还是非常值得一用的。
总评：6分。不知道为什么，总感觉没什么地方能让我给7分。可能是因为文章没什么亮点之处吧。此外，值得一提的是，蓝色部分是比较好用的套句或惯用结构，作者处理得很好，没有做作的感觉。
