As if you were I

Your poor father would suffer terribly if I were to use you as firewood.

如果我把你当柴烧，你那可怜的父亲会非常痛苦的。

As smart as vegetables goes, I guess you continue loving them, just because you know that if they were better, the relationship would be as before.

以植物人的聪明程度，我猜你会继续爱他们，只是因为你知道，如果他们病情好转，你们的关系就会和以前一样了。

Now, it will not come as news to me if I were to learn that several of you, maybe even many of you, in this class accept hedonism.

我不会觉得新奇，如果得知你们中有几个，也许有不少人，在这个课堂里的都认为接受享乐主义。